Confessions of a Vegetarian Tempeh Hater

Have you looked at vegan websites?  They are full of recipes like "egg-less tofu scramble" and "mock meatloaf."  No wonder people are so turned off by the idea of eating a vegan meal.  If they miss animal products that much, why don't they eat it and stop trying to reproduce it with weird ingredients?  Don't even get me started on tempeh.  What is that creepy looking, disgusting tasting thing?

Wait, aren't you a vegetarian?

Oh, yes, I've been a vegetarian for 17 years now. Lacto-ovo vegetarian with no lard, gelatin or leather if you want to be specific about it.

So you don't eat tofu?

I eat tofu.  I've had my fair share of meatless meat reproductions and some are quite tasty.  I've also had a great deal of disgusting reproductions.  Mostly I'm tired of processed, meatless meat products being the go to protein source.  They seem like food for vegans/vegetarians that don't really want to be vegan/vegetarian.  They are seeking to fill a void caused by lack of meat.  And, frankly, most of them just aren't that appealing.  Just because I'm a vegetarian doesn't mean I want to eat bean curds.

I want more recipes with simple, wholesome ingredients.  Admittedly, there are a lot of vegetarians recipes that don't rely on processed soy products.  I'm trying, however, to cut down on cholesterol and saturated fats in my diet, which means I've been turning more to vegan recipes to cut out cheese, butter, and egg yolks.  The lack of appealing vegan recipes has been very disappointing.  And no, I would like not some soy cheese substitute thank you very much. 

Tag out.  Speaking of substitutes, can I rant for a minute about sugar substitutes?  I want a sugar free recipes, not a recipe with Splenda or Agave or Equal or whatever new thing is on the market.  I don't really trust that fake, chemical, or modified stuff.  Sugar free on a label simply sends up a red flag that they put something weird in my food.  Honey is a nice substitute for processed cane sugar, but it is still sugar.  Ok, tag in.

What is really in those soy substitute products anyway?  Picking a products at random (one that I really enjoy, actually), here are the ingredients for MorningStar Farms "Crumbles."

TEXTURED VEGETABLE PROTEIN (SOY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, WHEAT GLUTEN, WATER FOR HYDRATION), WATER, CORN OIL, CONTAINS TWO PERCENT OR LESS OF CHICORY ROOT FIBER (INULIN), YEAST EXTRACT, NATURAL FLAVORS, BLACK MALT POWDER, SALT, SOY SAUCE (WATER, SOYBEANS, SALT, WHEAT), EVAPORATED CANE JUICE CRYSTALS, GARLIC POWDER, ONION POWDER, ONION JUICE CONCENTRATE, SPICES, TOMATO POWDER, CITRIC ACID, NIACINAMIDE, IRON (FERROUS SULFATE), SKIM MILK, EGG WHITES, THIAMIN MONONITRATE (VITAMIN B1), PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6), RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2), VITAMIN B12.

Not bad for a processed food, actually.  At least I have heard of most of the ingredients, but alas it contains sugar.

Finding a cheese-free, meat-free, sugar-free recipe is difficult.  I don't have a specific ingredient or recipe in mind and most recipe sites don't give you a "search without" option.  I want a plethora of recipes at my fingertips, which leads me full circle back to my desperate search of vegan websites.  I will deal with my fair share of soy "quoted meats" and tofu.  But if one more website recommends a BBQ seitan or tempeh, I might have to go eat some cheese.