It's official. After 18 years of vegetarianism I'm going vegan. It has taken me a long time to reach this point but I'm finally confident it is the right decision for me. Here is why it took so long.
I saw raw ribs for the first time when I was 13 and that was it. I was done. I vowed to never eat meat again. I'd never really thought about the connection between meat and dead animals. Once I did I was sick. I didn't know any vegetarians. I'd never even heard of vegetarianism before. I certainly didn't know how to be a healthy vegetarian. I didn't get any books or do any research. I just stopped eating meat. Instead of hamburgers for dinner, I just left out the meat and ate a bun with cheese. I didn't really think about eating extra veggies or finding alternate versions of protein.
I received very little support outside of my immediate family. Kids at school made fun of me. The Bible told me I was supposed to eat meat. People told me I would be unhealthy. I would look like the other "vegetarian zombies with dark eye circles" from improper nutrition. I attempted briefly to eat meat again after these dire warnings but I just couldn't handle it. I tried fake meats but they were so close to the real thing that I felt sick. At first I just cut out the obvious meats. Then I learned to look deeper and discovered meat broths in soup. (It was a sad day when I cut Marie Calendar's potato soup out of my diet.) Then I cut out lard. Then I stopped wearing leather. It all took time because I never formally educated myself.
When I went to college and had to fend for myself things improved. My cooking experience was primarily limited to cookies. So I bought vegetarian cookbooks and made meals with slightly more balance. I learned about gelatin and the strange places it hides like Starburst candy (sad), some yogurt, and some sour cream. Cutting out gelatin is how I had my first encounter with the idea of veganism. Until that I point I hadn't realized anyone thought dairy and eggs were wrong.
Home on break from college, my mom and I just HAD to make some Rice Krispie treats. I knew marshmallows had gelatin and didn't know that marshmallow cream didn't. Health food stores don't really exist in Poway to my knowledge and I wouldn't have known to look there for vegan items anyway. So I did an internet search and we found a vegan store in downtown San Diego. An adventure! We set off on a 45 minute drive to find vegan marshmallows. When I got to the store the first thing I saw were some extremely offensive t-shirts. I don't remember exactly what they said but they were basically bashing anyone who didn't follow a vegan lifestyle. I immediately wanted to leave, but felt bad for dragging my mom that far for nothing. I had no interest in EVER becoming vegan if that was their attitude. So I walked awkwardly around the store looking at things. I had been excited to find a large source of non-leather shoes, so I tried those on only to find they were extremely uncomfortable and ugly. Payless Shoes had much better sources. I grabbed my marshmallows and hightailed it out of there.
Fast forward a bit. I had to choose a controversial topic for my college speech class and decided to research animal-testing. It was the first time I'd chosen to read anything on the subject and it was a painful process. I established a firm anti-cruelty stance. I also focused my research on why animal testing is also a pointless process from a scientific standpoint. Animals are not similar enough to humans to make a valid test subject. Did you know we wouldn't have penicillin if we relied on animal testing? But that's getting off topic. About this time I also started learning about PETA. But instead of finding an ally for my anti-cruelty stance, they only reinforced my plan to never become a vegan. I almost felt the need to apologize for being a vegetarian. Their extremist methods, violence, and law-breaking turned me off. Burning down a building isn't going to stop animal testing. Throwing paint on fur coats is only going to piss people off so they go buy more coats and kill more animals. I had no interest in associating myself with that organization. I maintained my anti-cruelty stance, but did little to support it. I avoided Johnson and Johnson because I knew they were a big animal tester. I looked on bottles for "no animal testing" claims but rarely found it in the big grocery stores, so I stopped paying attention and bought whatever was on sale.
Things changed slowly over the next several year. I finally had some vegetarian friends and stopped feeling so alone in my decision. I introduced myself to new vegetables. I tried fake meat again and found enough time had passed that I could appreciate the flavors without associating it with meat. I discovered tofu in both good and bad lights. I came across vegan recipes, but nothing sounded appealing. I hadn't heard of half the ingredients and had no interest in stocking my cabinets with weird things like "nutritional yeast" and seaweed. I tried a few with little success. Who could go vegan if this is what they ate? Bleh. I heard stories about strange things like horse parts in glue, whale parts in perfume, and even sugar being filtered through animal bone. Mostly I tried to ignore it, telling myself that as long as I'm not actually putting dead animal in my body I was doing my part. I was still so anti-PETA that when people asked me about being a vegetarian I would take the focus off my animal treatment issues and place the focus on "thinking meat is gross." I tried to block it all out. I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to know. It was too painful. But information slowly leaked past my self-imposed shield and eventually I started to think about becoming vegan.
I did some research. I found out PETA was a good source for information and tried not to let the extremists determine my opinion. By this point I was a mother and nutrition became a big motivating factor for me. I tried to find more vegan recipes, but was once again frustrated by the strange ingredients. I finally gave nutritional yeast a try with mild success. I spent hours searching for vegan recipes. I found a few good ones but I wanted more, a lot more, before I could seriously consider veganism. One day a woman stopped by selling cookbooks. She had a stack of various books but only offered me one which I thought was strange. She told me nothing about it. No sales pitch? Strange. I flipped through it and found a bunch of vegetarian recipes that sounded good. Offering a vegetarian cookbook to people without telling them that? Extra strange. Vegetarianism is much more accepted than when I started in middle school, but not so much that you don't "warn" people about a solely vegetarian book. I don't usually buy from door-to-door salespeople, but the book appealed and the price was fair. As I read it in detail later that day I discovered except for honey all the recipes were vegan. I also discovered it was very religious, quoting the Bible to try and prove we shouldn't eat meat. I'm not religious, but I do believe in God and I felt like my prayers had been answered for vegan recipes I would willingly eat. How often do people sell you exactly what you're looking for and don't even try to press the product on you?
Then my cousin decided to go vegan and started posting a lot of vegan advertisements. Unfortunately what she found motivating, I found the opposite. Everything felt very negative and I felt like I'd walked back into that vegan store. I just didn't want to align myself with a group that seemed to bully people into their beliefs with negative advertising. They even made fun of vegetarians. Weren't we supposed to be on the same side? My gut reaction was to turn away from veganism, but I am a lot more self-aware than I was in college. This time I didn't run from my feelings. What bothered me exactly? In a lot of ways I was reminded of God. I am a firm believer in a higher power, but I don't believe in a religion. And unfortunately there are a lot of religious extremists that make me flat out angry at religion. It is very easy to get defensive when someone tells you that you are going to hell. Negative advertisements are not going to convince me to join your religion. In fact, they have the opposite effect. I have even found myself responding negatively when God is mentioned. But there are a lot of religions, and God and religion are two different things. I refuse to let some negative feelings toward religion make me feel negative about God. Similarly I refuse to let some negative attitudes and advertisements from the vegan community make me feel negative about being vegan.
I decided to start with animal testing and made it my New Year's resolution to support cruelty-free companies. I started to feel better inside. Then I went for my annual physical and found my cholesterol was borderline high. The only cholesterol I eat is dairy and eggs. Another push from God to be a vegan? I started buying soy dairy products and while they aren't my first choice in taste they are certainly tolerable and some are downright delicious. Then I picked up a book called "Skinny Bitch." I got it from my should-be-sister-in-law along with a bunch of other books when she moved to Korea. What I thought was going to be a sort-of funny/harsh look at eating healthy turned into a hard-care push for veganism. All the information I'd been trying to turn a blind eye to was right in front of me. I forced myself to read it. Animal cruelty in the dairy and egg industry was worse than I could have possibly imagined. The health aspects, especially the sheer number of ways chemicals make it into dairy products and the amount of research demonstrating this, surprised me as well. The book was well written and cited. It rang of truth. It also ended very positively with affirmations about the good that veganism could do for animals and my body. That's the type of vegan I will be. Positive.
I was at the tipping point. I thought of nothing else for days. I realized a lot of my concerns about becoming vegan were about convenience. I also worried about eating out with my carnivore husband and friends. I didn't want to be a party pooper. But would I really violate my beliefs just to please others? No. That sounds like something I would have done in the past. I've always been too much of a people pleaser. Last year was especially rough test for my conciliatory nature as it was the first time I've dealt with unresolvable differences with people, severing ties, and learning to accept it. I've grown into myself
more and more as I get older. Becoming a vegetarian was the first time in my life I did something just
for me regardless of how others felt about it. It was time for the final step.
Ninety-nine percent sure of my decision I tried one day as a vegan and felt really good. I buzzed happiness vibes the whole day. It wasn't just the food, though my body felt good, the food tasted good, and I felt satisfied. It was more. It just felt right. So it was decided. Finally positive of my decision I decided to start using up my leftover dairy/egg products that the rest of my family wouldn't eat. No need to waste food, right? As soon as it was gone, I'd go full vegan. Wrong. After just one day I could tell the difference. I felt horrible at end of the day. My head ached. I was slightly nauseous. It was all too familiar. I've felt this way too often lately. So many headaches. Too many stomach aches. Maybe I'm slightly lactose intolerant. My grandma was after all. I knew it was the food. Ok, God, I'm finally listening. I was now 110% sure of my decision. So it begins.
That takes us up to today. Tomorrow my new life as a vegan begins. I'm very excited about this decision and I hope I can count on your support. I'm happy to answer any questions, as long as you are genuinely curious. I strongly believe in respecting other people's beliefs. I won't rag on you for what you put in your body as long as you don't rag on me for what I
don't put in my body.
